Poke Me In The Eye

One thing I have always disliked about Windows XP is the serious lack of themes. Sure you there is software out there that allows you to highly customize your look and everything but I personally don’t like using them as they worry me a bit. Enter Royal Noir.

The story goes that a Channel9 member who goes by the name W3bbo noticed an interesting theme being used in a television commercial and after tireless searching unearthed the XP theme by Microsoft.

W3bbo had this to say about his discovery:

During Royale’s development (the XP Media Center theme), the graphic artists also produced a black version of the skin, sans the overused “glass” effect. The result is an aesthetic black skin named “Royale Noir”, it even works with Office 2003. Since the skin was never released (or reached final adjustments) there are a few issues with it: some of the colors don’t meet the overall “feel” (they’re too purple-ish compared to the greys of the bitmaps) and the inactive titlebars are a little too dark. You’ll find it’s been signed by Microsoft and doesn’t require a custom UxTheme.dll in case there are any doubts as to its authenticity.

If you already have Royale installed, you’ll need to remove it as both of these skins share the same name.

This skin has not been released to anyone outside Microsoft, until now.

I have been lusting for a nice dark theme for ages and this theme is just wonderful and a huge improvement over the old, tired default XP themes. Best of all, since it was produced by Microsoft there is no tweaking to get it installed.

Installing is quite easy. Download the theme (link at the bottom) then extract the files to “C:\windows\resources\themes\royale noir”. Next, double click on the “luna.msstyles”. Then simply choose Noir as your color scheme.

Here are a few screenshots to show you what it looks like.

   

Pretty nice huh?

You can download it right here. Royal Noir Windows XP Theme

Crawford’s Picks:

A freakishly huge list of movie clip wav files.
Copy of the cancelled check for the purchase of Alaska. ‘Nuff said.
How much has more traffic has Google gotten? Now you know.
The ultimate record player? Kinda pricey though.
Bunny squirrel? It’s in the snow. Yeah.

Moe’s Picks:
Make the cute little doggy do tricks
Very interesting look at how GM killed the electric car. This link is to part one, the links to the other parts are easily found on the site.
USB thumb drives are plentiful these days, but how would you like one that can hold 64GB
Kids say some hilarious things. They also write God some funny letters.
You have to admire these peoples perseverance

Moe’s Picks:

This is one of the greatest pranks I have ever read about.
Some of these look fake but some look real. Either way, it’s hilarious
Trepanation. I need this like a I need a hole in my head
12 year old Tony Royster Jr. an incredible drummer
Very fun game. You can also win yourself discounts on logitech products

Crawford’s Picks:
The worlds smallest supercharged V8 engine. I can only think of…oh…a MILLION THINGS TO DO WITH IT!
These are some awesome hotels. I want to stay at the underwater one.
Don’t push your PC too far…
I wish me was smarter
A drinking fountain that pulls water straight from the air. Economical? Probably not. Brilliant? Absolutely.

Crawford’s Picks:

This dog is a bit TOO smart…I think.
So the site is in Russian…the pictures are still universally amazing.
It’s mind controlled ketchup!
It took me a second but suddenly…hey…I know that song!
Books made out of human skin? Argh!

Moe’s Picks:

Tetris furniture. I totally want some
It’s kind of old, but here is the Triumph vs. Michael Jackson supporters video. Great Stuff
How would you like to play tennis here?
I want to find the person that wrote this and punch them in the eye
Scarface in 2 minutes

Moe’s Picks:

Obviously not real, but still very funny
A very funny look at blowup sex dolls
Eval Kineval is one crazy son of a bitch
Gangster coloring books? This just seems so wrong
Take a look at the upcoming Camero convertible, looks pretty damn hot.

Crawford’s Picks:

Remember those t-shirts that changed color? Now your house can too.
A pretty clever trick with a soda (or mmm…beer) can.
Funky URL, extremely funky flash stuff
Very cool microscope videos of small things
I’m…um…a little confused.

Question: How would you attempt to aquire Ten Thousand Dollars…or more? Legal or illegal…safe or insane?

Crawford’s Answer:

How I Would Get $10K+?

To put it simply, I’d rob a bank. But in order to get a large amount of money and get away with it quickly I’d have to be more clever than simply walking in with a note and a gun and demand the money. There is no guarantee that A: they’d have cash on hand (and not in the vault) or B: that they’d trigger the alarm and the police would come quickly.

Dealing with problem A: would be a bit tricky…and time consuming. It would be all about observing a bank (or a couple different ones) and getting their routine down. Often vaults are time locked or require two people’s keys to open them. That’s a pretty big gamble to make so I’d be better off waiting for a lot of cash to be in the teller’s drawers. To have that situation I’d need to find a bank that does a lot of check cashing and/or merchant cash deposits…and hit ‘em on a day when I know they’d have a lot of cash on hand. The bank I deal with for work quite often has a lot of cash in the teller drawers, and a decent amount in a small safe behind the desk..more of a locked cabinet than a safe. But when to do this…and how?

That brings in problem B:…alarms and the police. Banks can trigger their alarms very easily…usually a simple button at each teller station and often at desks. You’d assume that every place where a person is seated (or could sit) has an alarm trigger. A perfect scenario would be no one in the bank…but since the doors would be locked if the bank was empty…you’d have to go for it when there are as few people in their as possible. The best times for that would be right when they open or as they are closing. But again…this would take some knowledge and observation. Like I mentioned before they usually need two keys to open the larger cash storage and if both keys aren’t present then you are screwed.

To accomplish a “good” bank robbery would require two things…planning and luck. Assuming that luck is on my side, and imagining that I’ve taken both A: and B: above into account…this is how it would go down.

I would have staked out a bank (or multiple ones) for a while and learned about their procedures and employees. I would have identified what steps are taken when they open the bank for business and what they do when the close up and go home. Does one or two people open/close the bank together? When do they lock the doors, or unlock them? Where is the cash kept? How do they access the cash? Are the employees diligent or lazy…in other words…if they are alone in the building do they always lock the doors (front doors, side doors, cash drawers, etc).

The perfect scenario would be walking in as they are closing up…preferably just one or two people inside. They haven’t locked the front doors nor locked the vault…perhaps they are in the process of putting the teller’s drawers into the vault. I’d come in either quickly…to surprise them, or come in “friendly” (lost, looking for directions/help) to put them off guard. The key first step would be to get the employees away from any alarm triggers. Once I have established my saftey from alarms I would move towards getting cash…and getting it FAST. Again…a lot of planning would go into this. I should be prepared to force open drawers/locks/cabinets. I should have something to carry my stuff with. I should have a way of getting away quickly. I should have multiple routes of escape planned in case there is a problem with one. I should have a disguise…or better yet…go in looking one way and be able to rapidly change my appearance (but without looking “strange” or “abnormal”).

This would take months of planning and observation. But extremely careful observation. I couldn’t make it obvious that I was watching the place. Having had family working in banking…who have been robbed several times…old school bank employees are aware of those people that seem out of place, suspicious, or just outright dangerous. Would I open an account with the bank to give myself, and them, a legit reason to go in and out? It’s tough to say.

The long and short of it is you could concievably rob a bank for a pretty decent amount of money. There are a TON of factors involved…but I’m certain, with time…patience…planning…courage…and a giant set of brass balls…it could be done.

HOWEVER! And this is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT….I would NEVER attempt to rob a bank. It is EXTREMELY dangerous! And I definitely do NOT suggest that anyone try. This act is ILLEGAL and no matter how desperate, bored, foolhardy, clever, or cunning you are…this act is a stupid thing to do.

Moe’s Answer:

hmmmm, interesting question Crawford.

First off I have to say this is a purely theoritcal question. We would never do the things we discuss here, what we are discussing is highly illegal and you would have to be an idiot to do this.

As to how I would get $10,000? I am going to use good old fashioned blackmail. I actually have two different theories in mind that are blackmail related and preying on mens weaknesses for the opposite sex.

The first scenario would require an accomplis. I would post an ad on the casual encounters section of craigslist seeking a rich married male. This may sound bold but the casual encounters section is filled with this kind of thing. I would exchange a series of emails with the man in question, getting as much person information as possible so that I could research him and see if he could afford the payout. Once a good candidate was found I would have my attractive female accomplis (I am thinking an escort would be a good accomplis) meet with the man and have an “encounter” and I would be there in hiding to take photos of it. With the photos in hand I would email the man and tell him that if he doesn’t pay up his wife, boss, family, etc. will be getting a copy of the photos and any naughty emails that he sent.

For the second scenario I would take a page out of Dateline’s book and pose as an underage girl online. Get some filthy pedophile to chat her up. Once the man has propositions her for sex or sends her any pornography he has committed a felony. I would also ask for his phone number during our chat so that he could easily be traced. Then I would blackmail him telling him that if he doesn’t pay up the authorities will be contacted with all his personal information etc. Now, the biggest flaw in this is I don’t think it would be easy to find someone who could afford a $10,000 payout. So I think this theory would have to be done multiple times. While I don’t think it would be easy to find someone who could pay up the full ten grand I think it would be fairly easy to find ten guys who could pay $1,000.

Please remember we do not condone any of the ideas we presented here, this was purely a theortical excercise. You would have to be an utter moron to take anything here seriously.