Poke Me In The Eye

If you were deserted on a desert island and you could choose to have 5 CDs with you, what would they be? No, mix cds, box sets, etc. Only CDs you can walk into a store and buy.

Moe’s Answers

The Beatles, The White Album

I knew I had to have some Beatles but I had a hard time choosing an album. Do I go with Revolver, Sgt. Peppers, Abbey Road? I finally decided on the White Album. I mostly picked it because it’s a double album so I get more bang for the buck, it doesn’t hurt that it’s one of their best albums.

Bob Marley & The Wailers, Legend

In the history of greatest hits albums Legend could quite possibly be the greatest greatest hits album ever released. Every song on this album is a classic and it’s one of those albums that just brings a smile to your face when it comes on.

The Violent Femmes, The Violent Femmes

I have been listening to this album since around 4th grade and I am still not tired of it. This is one of those albums where as soon as I hear the opening notes of Blister In The Sun I just get a big smile on my face.

Pink Floyd, The Wall

The Wall was the first piece of music I ever purchased (a fact I am quite proud of). I remember buying it very clearly, we were picking up my brother from a drum lesson and stopped by a music shop on the way home. Both my brother and I had recently gotten stereos for Christmas and they had record players, so my copy of The Wall was on vinyl (another fact I am proud of). I have probably listened to this album 2.4 million times and I still love it.

Sublime, 40oz to Freedom

Such a stellar album and one that instantly brings me back to my college years. I debated between this album and 311, Music but ultimately decided that 40oz was the superior album. I have one of the original pressings of the album that has Rawhide on it and all of the illegal samples, so my desert island copy would have to be this one as well.

This was a very hard list to make and I have a feeling if you asked me the same question in a couple months my list would change. I have no Zeppelin, Nine Inch Nails, Pearl Jam, Clash, Primus and I would love to have fit Dr. Dre the Chronic in there.

Crawford’s Answers

The Police, Every Breath You Take: The Singles

Although this one does not include the original (and much better) version of “Don’t Stand So Close To Me” I could easily listen to it for days on end. Hell…I have listened to it days on end. It is one of the very first CD’s I ever purchased and I can’t imagine I will ever tire of it.

A Tribe Called Quest, The Low End Theory

I wasn’t a Tribe fan until much later in life. OK, that isn’t completely true. I remember hearing some of their songs when I was younger and when I finally heard this album I thought, “oh yeah! I KNOW these guys! I love their stuff…” That says a lot to me.

Sublime, 40oz to Freedom

This is (probably) the most listened to CD I own. I’ve played it more times than I could possibly count and it’s lived in my car(s) longer than any other disk. I love it…the variety, the fun, the memories, the feelings it creates… It is the perfect “play forever” album.

Led Zeppelin, I

This CD rocks…it plain and simple rocks. From the very first song to the last there is nothing on this one that I don’t love to hear over and over. Sure there may be other CD’s that I’ve played more often but I can’t think of another CD where every single song is something I’d never want to skip

Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon

When this CD ends I am sad…sad because it’s over. It’s like that movie you don’t want to end. Not only is it (in my opinion) the greatest “complete” CD of all time it is timeless. It’s that one CD you could put in and everyone would in the room would say “oh yeah…I love this album!” In fact…I’m listening to it right now

What 5 bands would you want to have been a member of? They can be current or older bands. You have to name the band and what instrument (your voice is an instrument) you’d like to play. You don’t necessarily have to replace a member but you can if you choose.

Crawford’s Answers

Number One: Led Zeppelin

This was the first one to come to my mind. However I couldn’t replace ANYONE in that band. OK…maybe John Paul Jones. Seriously though they were such an amazing band that I’d be happy to be there period…so being able to be a back up guitarist on stage would be a dream come true.

Number Two: Lead Guitarist for ANY 80’s Hair Band

I’m talking about Poison, Bon Jovi, Warrant…it doesn’t really matter does it? But being Lead Guitar would be epic. I’ve always dreamed of pulling off that ripping solo on stage in front of a million fans. And from what I understand a lot of women wanted to have sex with these guys. That sounds nice.

Number Three: Mick Jagger

This is assuming that A) I can sing like him (because The Rolling Stones wouldn’t be the same with a different voice) B) I can strut like him (because the experience wouldn’t be the same without it) and C) I am better looking than he is (well…because I am). But talk about a wild ride that just won’t end. It’s a band that every other band in the known universe wants to be.

Number Four: Anyone in Alizee’s band

Why you ask? Because it would give me an excellent opportunity to have wild monkey sex with her. ‘Nuff said.

Number Five: Sting

Oh to be Sting…could you imagine it? Not only would you be able to sing like no one else on Earth you’d get to have sex with some of the hottest women on this planet. You’d be extremely well respected by the music industry. You’d have a very lucrative career. You would be…simply put…a rock and roll GOD. Plus the British accent is bitching.

Moe’s Answers

I’d have to be member of Kiss. Ideally, Gene Simmons but I don’t know if he could be replaced so maybe another guitarist. Playing in front of million rabid fans in crazy makeup and even crazier costumes. Spitting fire and blood, explosions on stage, shooting fire out of my guitar. Not to mention the hordes of women. Gene Simmons claims to have slept with over 10,000 women. I can’t think of a better band to become a rock god in.

Next up, a member of the Grateful Dead. They had two drummers so I wouldn’t mind being one of them. The Dead had a good life. Constant touring with quite possibly the most rabid fan base ever. They were highly respected in the music community. They made about bajizillion dollars. Staying away from the drugs would probably be a challenge though.

For my third pick, I would absolutely love to have been a member of the Beatles. I can’t really imagine replacing any of them except possibly Ringo. But I would settle for playing the triangle in the background to be a part of the Beatles. I can’t even begin to imagine what Beatlemania would have been like, it must have just been absolutely nuts. The Beatles are arguably the biggest band of all time and it would be an absolute honor to be a part of it. Also, if I was a member I would have tried to have stopped the sale of the music to whacko jacko.

Coming in fourth on my list (which is in no particular order) I would have loved to have been a member of one of Frank Zappa’s bands. He had many musicians throughout time that played with him so I am sure I could squeeze in there somewhere. I would like to be a drummer as he always had amazing drummers and that would mean that I would have to be an amazing drummer as well. Zappa was a musical genius, extremely funny and I bet going out on tour with him would be an absolute blast.

For my last choice I would like to be the fourth Beastie Boy. To go through their career would be pretty epic. Starting from their wild and crazy punk days and their crazy antics in the License to Ill period. Then to turn around and make one of the greatest Rap albums ever, Paul’s Boutique. It would just be so much fun jamming with them on stage, trading rhymes and what not.

In honor of a camping trip the Crawford and I took over the weekend I came up with this weeks question(s). Sitting around a campfire you get to choose three people. One of these people would be there to entertain you with music. Another would be there to make you laugh and the final would just be someone to talk to. These people can either be dead or alive, you can assume that they would be forthcoming with any questions you would have for them, etc.

Moe’s Answers

I am going to start with the musician. My first choice when I thought about this question was Roger Waters, I then considered Johnny Cash, I then thought Bob Marley and I thought for sure I had come up with my answer. But then I made up my mind and chose John Lennon. I can’t even imagine how amazing it would be to hear a solo acoustic set by John Lennon while sitting around a campfire. Hours of Beatles music and of course some of John’s solo work would make me a very very happy man.

When it came time to choose someone to make me laugh I found this choice to be the easiest, Robin Williams. The man is insanely funny, can improv on anything and is just highly entertaining. If you have ever seen his appearance on Inside The Actors Studio you would get a good idea of why I think he would be highly entertaining to hang out with around a campfire.

My hardest choice was someone to just talk to. I first considered someone like Albert Einstein or Socrates but then I faced a sad fact. They are both far far smarter than I can ever imagine to be and I think they would just end up confusing me. I then considered some people from history such as one of the Egyptian kings, Patton, Ghandi or Alexander the Great but when I sat down and thought about it I figured it would be incredibly interesting to talk to these people for a short amount of time but I think it would get old kind of fast. I then came down to three people who I highly considered. Quentin Tarantino, George Lucas or Kevin Smith. Choosing between these three was actually quite hard. I feel that Tarantino would be incredibly interesting to talk to with his encyclopedic knowledge of film and I love to talk movies. But then I considered some of the interviews I have seen with him and sometimes he just doesn’t know when to shut the hell up. I can’t even begin to fathom how fun it would be to pick Lucas’ brain about the Star Wars universe but outside of Star Wars I don’t know how much I could relate to him. Which brings me to my decision, Kevin Smith. If you have ever seen the “An Evening With Kevin Smith” DVD then you may have a good idea why I think he would be a fun guy to talk with. Lots of really funny stories, he seems really down to earth, we are in the same general age range. So while Kevin Smith may be a lowbrow choice I think it would make for a very fun evening.

Crawford’s Answers

Musician: When I think of a musician my first thought goes to an acoustic artist like Ben Harper or Dave Mathews. But there have been some fantastic acoustic performances by rockers (Nirvana comes to mind instantly). That really makes this choice hard. Weird Al is intriguing…but we’ve already got a “funny person” on the list. So I would have to choose Stevie Ray Vaughn. I think some rocking blues guitar would fit the campfire setting perfectly.

Comedian: There are a lot of really funny people out there that I’m sure would be extremely entertaining. Mitch Hedburg, Will Farrell, Adam Sandler, and Steven Wright all come to mind. But my choice would be Robin Williams. He’s been around long enough that he’d have some hilarious stories to tell and every interview I’ve seen with him he’s been outrageous. I’m sure he’d be intensely entertaining…perhaps a bit overwhelming but he would be a blast around the campfire.

Talker: This one is a bit harder to imagine. My first thought was Steven Hawking…that brilliant mind would have such mind blowing information to share…but at the same time would I be too far below his level to understand everything he talks about? I’d want someone with worldly knowledge and experience. I’d want someone who was around to see major world events happening before their eyes and been a player in that theater. So my choice would be Sir Winston Churchill. Not only was he heavily involved in WWI he lead the British Empire during its most dire time. He was a gifted orator and the thought of sitting by a campfire, him smoking a cigar and telling me about the Blitz…it practically sends shivers down my spine. Bill Clinton would probably be a blast, and Boutros Boutros-Ghali (and Egyptian diplomat who became Secretary-General of the UN) would be intense…and my final runner up has to be Aristotle who would completely blow my mind.

If you had an unlimited budget and you could pick five different cars for five different purposes what would they be?

Crawford’s Picks

The Rally Monster: Subaru STi

This is pretty much a gimmie I feel. I think it would be fantastic fun to have a screaming fast turbocharged AWD rally suspension-ed off road beast to fly across dirt/gravel/snow/mud/whatever with. The modifications would nearly all be suspension and strength related along with a decent (but usable) pump in horsepower. Rally decals would be a must of course. It’s gotta look the part!

The Import Dragster: Supra Turbo

It’s been proven time and time again that the last generation of the Supra Turbo can handle power. Examples out there are pushing over 1,000 horsepower…occasionally on stock engine internals! Sure the car is heavy, isn’t known for superior handling (but can hold it’s own) and hasn’t been made for several years now…but you’d be hard pressed to find something that could generate this kind of import power. A giant turbo would be key along with a healthy blast of nitrous. Don’t forget the drag chute!

The Long Distance Hauler: Mercury Marauder

It may seem like an odd choice but I think this American sedan would be a perfect car to drive across country in. It’s not that it blends in with the background a lot of people would probably mistake it for a police car! The stock 4.6 V8 would love to get some forced induction but the primary modifications would be around creature comfort. We’re talking amazing A/V system, smooth suspension, quiet exhaust and a massive dose of nitrous to blast past the morons who sit in the wrong lane.

The Rock Crawler: Land Rover Defender 90

Sure a H1 is bad ass but the British have been building off road beasts for an eternity. I’ve heard of Land Rovers being found in the middle of the African desert abandoned because they’ve run out gas…for 20 years…been fueled up, given a jump and driven right on out. And the Defender not only looks cool but it’s unstoppable off road. Just add some bigger tires, GPS, racks and a nice bump in power and I’d be off to Tierra del Fuego tomorrow.

The Stealthmobile: Audi A4 Quattro

This one is all about keeping is subtle. I chose the A4 because it has simple looks and a supremely bad ass sibling…the RS4. So it would (with money) be relatively simple to swap all the fun bits inside without change the exterior all that much. I’d hide the exhaust, keep the wheels subtle and make sure it isn’t loud until you slam that pedal down.

Moe’s Picks

Fun project car. 240Z

I have always wanted a fun project car where I just change all sorts of things about it. With the Z the first thing would be an engine swap. I would drop a nice big fat V8 in there, with an unlimited budget I am thinking the Z06 engine. I would design my own body kit for it with some nice fat fender flares and the interior would all be custom work. I would also install a crazy stereo. This would be the car I would take to car shows and show off.

Pure power: Toyota Supra

For pure straight line acceleration I would get myself a twin turbo Supra and modify to to an insane level. Change the twin turbo to a single turbo, full engine build, etc. etc. I would be shooting for over a thousand horsepower and 9 second quarter mile times.

Long distance traveling: School bus

I could pick an RV but that would be boring. I would love to get an old school bus, totally gut the interior and go hog wild. I would keep the outside looking like a school bus but the interior would be pure pimp. Big screen TVs, a full bed, bar, kitchen, bathroom, etc. I would travel in style.

Cruising: Lincoln Continental Convertible

I’d get one of the Continental that has the totally bitchin suicide doors. I probably actually wouldn’t modify this one all that much. Put in a very nice stereo, some tasteful wheels, update the suspension to something much more modern. Paint it with a multi thousand dollar midnight black paint job, all white leather interior and a stereo that would blow your socks off. I can just imagine how much fun it would be cruising along the boardwalk in something like this.

Off road beast. CJ7 Jeep

I would need something where I can go have some fun off road and in the mud. I have always been a fan of the old jeeps and while I have never done much research into the area I have seen lots of pictures of some highly modified Jeeps and they just look like they would be so much fun. I wouldn’t go totally crazy, I wouldn’t have a 30″ lift with tires bigger than me or anything but I would definitely lift it up a little bit and throw on some real knobby tires. Equip it with GPS so I don’t get totally lost, all sorts of racks, a winch, lights, etc. and just go get lost out in the woods.

If you had to be afflicted with one of these serious handicaps, which one would you choose?

Moe’s Answer

Any of these afflictions would be terrible to have and I mean to disrespect to anyone who may be suffering from any of them. I think the worst of the bunch would be blind. I can’t imagine going through life without the gift of site. Not being able to see the ocean waves, see the face of your parents, to be able to look into someones eyes. My mother used to work with the blind, she worked for a company that sold braille printers and other things for the blind. During that time I got to meet some pretty amazing blind people. One of them was a man named Jerry. Jerry gave walking tours of San Francisco and was a pretty amazing man, he could go walking around in San Francisco, he could have been walking for hours and he could stop and tell you what store he was standing in front of. Another of the people that I met at this time was a man named Michael May. Michael just released a book called “Crashing Through“. Michael was blinded as a boy and a few years ago he underwent an operation that gave him some of his sight back. Michael is a very amazing man. He held a record for downhill skiing, he rode a motorcycle, he would hike alone in the woods. Even seeing these people and seeing the amazing things that they achieved I still think it would be the worst of the three.

I think the second worst would be being deaf. Not being able to hear people speak, not being able to go to the movies, not being able to hear music. I just can’t imagine life without sound.

That brings me to my choice if I had to choose, being mute. Yes it would suck not being able to speak but I think it would be the least disabling of them. You would still be able to communicate via sign language or writing. You would still be able to movies and television and you could still drive a car. It would just be the easiest of the three to deal with on a day to day basis.

Crawford’s Answers

Would I rather be deaf, blind or mute?

At first though this seems like a pretty easy one to answer. I certainly wouldn’t choose blind…I mean hell, I couldn’t see! That would certainly stop me from driving…which I love. And seeing things is good! I like to see things. On the other hand my other senses would become so much more in tune with the world. But would great hearing, smell and touch make compensate for the lack of sight? Hell no.

Deaf would be an interesting one. I can imagine how serene life would be if I couldn’t hear blaring horns, people jabbering, crying babies, leaf blowers…all those sounds that irritate us. But then I think how scary that would be. You’d constantly be caught off guard by things. People could sneak up on you so easily. Mmmm…no thanks, I like to hear.

Mute…that’s an interesting choice. Of course I wouldn’t want to lose any of these things but I think being mute would be the lesser of all evils. Sure communication would become extremely difficult. My handwriting would need improvement. People would react strangely to my shortcoming and there would definitely be strife. But I still would be able to see (and drive!), still would be able to communicate (my fingers aren’t broken), still would be able to hear and understand what people are saying to me without any struggle.

So I choose mute. And I’m not going to say a word for the rest of the night.

This weeks question is a simple one. What are you five favorite beverages of all time?

Crawford’s Answers

In no particular order…

1. Budweiser

“This is the famous Budweiser beer…” I’ll admit there are far better tasting beers out there. But when I am looking for an inexpensive, readily available, great when cold, simple and approachable, easy drinking, “yeah I’m going to mow the lawn but I’d like a beer while I do it and not get so wasted I mow over my foot” kind of beer…I dare you to find one better. It’s the versatility that makes it a winner for me.

2. Rockstar

I don’t remember when I had my first Rockstar. My lack of memory of the epic event is probably due to the wacky chemicals contained inside the drink. I’ll admit it, I’m addicted. And I KNOW that people out there find these things disgusting…but I love it! I do! I need MORE! WHERE IS MINE!?!?!

3. Quality cranberry juice

It’s gotta be strong. It’s gotta be pure. It can’t have high fructose corn syrup or other annoying chemicals. I love it when it is so pure and strong that it makes my mouth feel funny. If I was stranded on a desert island for the rest of my life this would be the beverage I’d miss the most.

4. Water

For all the fancy energy drinks, cocktails, designer beers, quality fruit juices…nothing, and I mean NOTHING is better tasting (when you are so very thirsty) than cold water. You can drink it anytime, for any occasion. It’s a hangover prevention elixir…and a cure. It’s available everywhere and…hell…two hydrogen molecules and one oxygen molecule…how much more simple and pure can it get?

5. 7 & 7

I definitely wanted to add a cocktail to this list. The thing is I’m not a big cocktail drinker. I thought long and hard about this and it was a tough choice between Seagram’s 7 and 7-up vs. a gin and tonic…but this won out. Why? For one it’s not all that “typical” a cocktail. But more importantly it’s a cocktail that can be drank at any time for any occasion. A gin and tonic isn’t always refreshing…but a 7 & 7 sure is.

Moe’s Answers

1. Mountain Dew

I love soda, it’s just a fact of life. Back in college I had a roommate who lived on Mountain Dew. Prior to that I never really drank it, I was always kinda turned off by the color and we just never bought it when I was growing up. Having it in the house all the time I started to drink it and I fell in love. I don’t drink coffee, Mountain Dew is how I get my caffeine fix for the day. This will probably gross quite a few people out but I start every day with a nice ice cold Mountain Dew, it’s my morning fix. Sadly, because it is so loaded with sugar I limit myself to just the one a day.

2. Pepsi

As I stated, I love soda. My family is a Pepsi family, I pretty much went from the nipple to a Pepsi bottle. My Pépère (grandfather) was a huge Pepsi fan. One of my early memories in life is him telling me to “put my lip in it” when I was drinking from a bottle, I was putting the head of the bottle in my mouth (that sounds dirty). I could drink Pepsi all day, but like Mountain Dew, I try and keep my intact to a minimum or drink diet. I’d also like to state that while I definitely prefer Pepsi to Coke I am not one of those weird fanatics that doesn’t drink Coke or rant and rave about it.

3. Strawberry Milk

I haven’t drank a glass of this wonderful goodness in a long time now but as a kid I sure drank a lot. I like it nice and strong too, the more scoops of that pink powder the better. hmmmm, thinking about this makes me really want a glass now.

4. Sierra Nevada Pale Ale

Quite possibly the finest beer ever made. I could never get sick of drinking this nectar of the gods, it’s just such a damn good beer. I love beer and have drank more than my fair share. Back in college I had a collection of beer bottles and went out of my way to try as many different beers as I could so that I could get a new bottle for my collection. I can honestly say that Sierra Nevada Pale Ale is the best beer I have tasted.

5. Water

Nothing quite satisfies the thirst like a nice glass of water. I like water so cold that it hurts your teeth, I love finding a drinking fountain that keeps it this icy cold. Back when I was working in an office I drank a ridiculous amount of water, I would go through at least five 16oz bottles a day. I pretty much always had a bottle at my desk.

I didn’t have room for it, but my cocktail of choice would be a Gin and Tonic. If you want to do shots, Tequilla for me, make it Patron.

I used to watch “Inside the Actors Studio” religiously and one part of the show that I always enjoyed was the questionnaire that is inspired by Bernard Pivot in which the host, James Lipton, asks the following questions of all his guests.

• What is your favorite word?
• What is your least favorite word?
• What turns you on [creatively, spiritually or emotionally]?
• What turns you off?
• What is your favorite curse word?
• What sound or noise do you love?
• What sound or noise do you hate?
• What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
• What profession would you not like to do?
• If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Moe’s Answers:

What is your favorite word?
Smorgasbord

What is your least favorite word?
Grok

What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
A nice pair of buns.

What turns you off?
Ignorance

What is your favorite curse word?
Fuck. It just has so many uses.

What sound or noise do you love?
A rumbling V8

What sound or noise do you hate?
Whining.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Race car driver.

What profession would you not like to do?
Politician.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
You were wrong, but come on in. Mem and Pep are in room 222B. Hendrix, Morrison and Lennon will be performing tonight. Here are the keys to your Ferrari.

Crawford’s Answers:

What is your favorite word?
Reciprocity. I’m not exactly sure why…I think it is partly because of the way it feels when I say it out loud. Partly is that I first heard it in a pretty cool movie (Clear and Present Danger). Finally it the definition is fitting…. “mode of exchange in which transactions take place between individuals who are symmetrically placed, ie they are exchanging as equals, neither being in a dominant position.”

What is your least favorite word?
Disrespect. I’m so sick of the way this word is used in language these days. It’s tossed around with little meaning nor feeling…it’s become slang and I don’t like it!

What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Completion of a difficult task. I know that sounds a bit odd but there is no greater feeling to me than when I’ve been working on a troublesome project and having it turn out perfectly.

What turns you off?
Conversely…being unable to complete a difficult project. It drives me nuts and leaves me frustrated and unhappy when my efforts at creativity cannot solve the issue.

What is your favorite curse word?
Fuck if I know.

What sound or noise do you love?
A ripping, snorting, beautifully tuned, screaming monster of an internal combustion engine. There is no sound, to me, that is more awe inspiring.

What sound or noise do you hate?
The buzzing of a persistent bug in my ear when I’m trying to sleep. It’s hot out, I’m sticky and gross feeling, I’m not tired enough to sleep but I know I have to…and that freaking insect is practically making a condo in my ear. It makes me want to scream.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Writing would be pretty fantastic I feel. I’d love to be able to spend my days being creative with keyboard…but also being able to apply my knowledge and experience.

What profession would you not like to do?
Anything involving feces.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
You can go back if you want.