Get rich beotch!
Question: How would you attempt to aquire Ten Thousand Dollars…or more? Legal or illegal…safe or insane?
Crawford’s Answer:
How I Would Get $10K+?
To put it simply, I’d rob a bank. But in order to get a large amount of money and get away with it quickly I’d have to be more clever than simply walking in with a note and a gun and demand the money. There is no guarantee that A: they’d have cash on hand (and not in the vault) or B: that they’d trigger the alarm and the police would come quickly.
Dealing with problem A: would be a bit tricky…and time consuming. It would be all about observing a bank (or a couple different ones) and getting their routine down. Often vaults are time locked or require two people’s keys to open them. That’s a pretty big gamble to make so I’d be better off waiting for a lot of cash to be in the teller’s drawers. To have that situation I’d need to find a bank that does a lot of check cashing and/or merchant cash deposits…and hit ‘em on a day when I know they’d have a lot of cash on hand. The bank I deal with for work quite often has a lot of cash in the teller drawers, and a decent amount in a small safe behind the desk..more of a locked cabinet than a safe. But when to do this…and how?
That brings in problem B:…alarms and the police. Banks can trigger their alarms very easily…usually a simple button at each teller station and often at desks. You’d assume that every place where a person is seated (or could sit) has an alarm trigger. A perfect scenario would be no one in the bank…but since the doors would be locked if the bank was empty…you’d have to go for it when there are as few people in their as possible. The best times for that would be right when they open or as they are closing. But again…this would take some knowledge and observation. Like I mentioned before they usually need two keys to open the larger cash storage and if both keys aren’t present then you are screwed.
To accomplish a “good” bank robbery would require two things…planning and luck. Assuming that luck is on my side, and imagining that I’ve taken both A: and B: above into account…this is how it would go down.
I would have staked out a bank (or multiple ones) for a while and learned about their procedures and employees. I would have identified what steps are taken when they open the bank for business and what they do when the close up and go home. Does one or two people open/close the bank together? When do they lock the doors, or unlock them? Where is the cash kept? How do they access the cash? Are the employees diligent or lazy…in other words…if they are alone in the building do they always lock the doors (front doors, side doors, cash drawers, etc).
The perfect scenario would be walking in as they are closing up…preferably just one or two people inside. They haven’t locked the front doors nor locked the vault…perhaps they are in the process of putting the teller’s drawers into the vault. I’d come in either quickly…to surprise them, or come in “friendly” (lost, looking for directions/help) to put them off guard. The key first step would be to get the employees away from any alarm triggers. Once I have established my saftey from alarms I would move towards getting cash…and getting it FAST. Again…a lot of planning would go into this. I should be prepared to force open drawers/locks/cabinets. I should have something to carry my stuff with. I should have a way of getting away quickly. I should have multiple routes of escape planned in case there is a problem with one. I should have a disguise…or better yet…go in looking one way and be able to rapidly change my appearance (but without looking “strange” or “abnormal”).
This would take months of planning and observation. But extremely careful observation. I couldn’t make it obvious that I was watching the place. Having had family working in banking…who have been robbed several times…old school bank employees are aware of those people that seem out of place, suspicious, or just outright dangerous. Would I open an account with the bank to give myself, and them, a legit reason to go in and out? It’s tough to say.
The long and short of it is you could concievably rob a bank for a pretty decent amount of money. There are a TON of factors involved…but I’m certain, with time…patience…planning…courage…and a giant set of brass balls…it could be done.
HOWEVER! And this is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT….I would NEVER attempt to rob a bank. It is EXTREMELY dangerous! And I definitely do NOT suggest that anyone try. This act is ILLEGAL and no matter how desperate, bored, foolhardy, clever, or cunning you are…this act is a stupid thing to do.
Moe’s Answer:
hmmmm, interesting question Crawford.
First off I have to say this is a purely theoritcal question. We would never do the things we discuss here, what we are discussing is highly illegal and you would have to be an idiot to do this.
As to how I would get $10,000? I am going to use good old fashioned blackmail. I actually have two different theories in mind that are blackmail related and preying on mens weaknesses for the opposite sex.
The first scenario would require an accomplis. I would post an ad on the casual encounters section of craigslist seeking a rich married male. This may sound bold but the casual encounters section is filled with this kind of thing. I would exchange a series of emails with the man in question, getting as much person information as possible so that I could research him and see if he could afford the payout. Once a good candidate was found I would have my attractive female accomplis (I am thinking an escort would be a good accomplis) meet with the man and have an “encounter” and I would be there in hiding to take photos of it. With the photos in hand I would email the man and tell him that if he doesn’t pay up his wife, boss, family, etc. will be getting a copy of the photos and any naughty emails that he sent.
For the second scenario I would take a page out of Dateline’s book and pose as an underage girl online. Get some filthy pedophile to chat her up. Once the man has propositions her for sex or sends her any pornography he has committed a felony. I would also ask for his phone number during our chat so that he could easily be traced. Then I would blackmail him telling him that if he doesn’t pay up the authorities will be contacted with all his personal information etc. Now, the biggest flaw in this is I don’t think it would be easy to find someone who could afford a $10,000 payout. So I think this theory would have to be done multiple times. While I don’t think it would be easy to find someone who could pay up the full ten grand I think it would be fairly easy to find ten guys who could pay $1,000.
Please remember we do not condone any of the ideas we presented here, this was purely a theortical excercise. You would have to be an utter moron to take anything here seriously.